(From our March 2016 trip)

We flew back to Rome and had about 36 hours to kill just wandering, shopping and eating.  Truth be told it was starting to get super hot and the crowds had gone insane and the losing of my shit (and patience) had begun.

And I have to say our legs were now really really ‘fucque this shit’ tired.  We have walked and walked and walked on this trip and it would seem husband’s age is catching up with him.  I’m not old, so I must just be coming down with something.  We all knew this day would come and now it’s barstard well here.   I can’t shitting do this anymore – DONE!!!!

So after a little shopping, a look through the Pantheon and an early dinner of meat, dips and cheeses…..

For out last evening in Italy, we did what any self respecting Aussie does….you betcha bitches, we headed to an Irish pub for the night.  Brilliant idea because we met 4 Irish people who had literally flown in from Dublin that day (pause to digest how truly tragic that is) and we had the funniest, loudest, booziest night ever!!!  Some may say that this might not have been a wise thing for people who get hangovers and have to fly for 25 hours the next day but not me – I’m a glorious legend who doesn’t get hangovers so there’s that.  If I was a good and loving wife, which we all know I ain’t, I might have done a beer-tervention when I looked over at hubster guzzling down the Guinness but hey, it’s his holiday too and not a single f**k was being given so drink up babe.

Next minute…..

Okay, who left the bag of idiots open?  What did we do last night???  I think we got wastey-faced!!!

I woke up like a dream ~we can all thank the bubbles gods for that~ but alas my life partner got a little caught up in his Irish drinking goals and now the whole world was going to pay the price.  After I unleashed a few truth bombs, I rallied and came up with a plan.  I rang down to reception and got a later check out time mentioning something gastro-esque rather than drinksident-esque and we were able to stay until 11am.  The problem was – our driver wasn’t picking us up to go to the airport until 6pm.  Let’s just say it was going to be a very very very long day in Rome today.

We wandered a little, had a quiet lunch but we were exhaustipated, especially asshat so I suggested going to Piazza del Popolo, which is a massive square in Rome that is a little quieter than some of the others and sitting down for a rest.  We found a fountain and I suggested husband could lay down with his head in my lap and have a rest.  I thought that was a total ‘fistbump’ idea – he wasn’t so sure but at this point idiots can’t be choosers so he laid down on the cold hard concrete for a nap.  He did ask did I think he was laying in pee and I said probably but it wouldn’t be fresh and with that the little baby went bye bye’s whilst I sat and people watched and of course took an embarrassing selfie to use to drink-shame him with at a later date.  Shhhhh, he still doesn’t know I took this photo but enjoy folks!  (Kelly’s keepin’ it classy wherever they go)

We wandered back to our hotel, and dozed on the couch and finally praise the good lord it was time to head to the airport and begin our journey home to see the Uterus Dwellers.  Hopefully the grandma has kept them alive.

I do have to say this – What in god’s name and his kingdom where we thinking having a big boozy night out the day before flying home?  Life lesson learned for sure!

I’ll leave you with some random observations from my time in Italy:-

Dogs everywhere, including in restaurants

Bidets – just say no

No Asian restaurants (bizarre)

Carabinieri police – carrying semi automatic machine guns everywhere.  WTF

No face washers or irons in the hotel rooms

Everyone standing around outside cafes and bars drinking wine – like legit out on the street wandering  #spiritanimals

Showers – so small you couldn’t bend over to shave your legs

$3 for bread, $3 to sit and $3 for water – grrrrr

Blondes – have more fun in Italy, the Italian men loved the blond hair, German’s didn’t give a rats

Apparently they can always pick an Aussie because of the size of our suitcase.  They’ve realised because we have to travel so far we come for a long time and bring a big arse case.

Toilets – disgusting and filthy, and I was getting tired of paying to wiz

So overall WE HAD THE BLOODY BEST TIME EVER on this holiday and if the kids think we are ever taking them anywhere with us again they are WRONGSKI!!!  This couple travel stuff is awesome.

If you’ve followed along on this 20^th Wedding Anniversary Trip thank you so much you sexy idiots.  How crazy and awesome of you to stick with me, it only took me 2 years to finish the full saga.  Lucky I took great notes along the way.  I hope you enjoyed the silly banter and learned some things and had a laugh.

In future though can I suggest getting a life, a drinking problem or going to bed early instead of reading this drivel hahahaha.

So with that – see all you bloody legends next time!

P.S. In other news, we are pleased to announce we are expecting a holiday bambino.  We are going to call Food Baby ‘Pizza Toomucho Kelly’ and he is allergic to skinny jeans, exercise and moderation in #allthethings