Well it’s been 6 months in the planning but finally the next adventure begins in 5 sleeps – China here we come!!!

All of you glorious people must be champing at the bit to get back on board the Kelly’s Travel Tour Bus.

A childhood friend of mine moved there with her family 5 years ago for work and whilst I thought she was crazy of the bat-shit variety to make such a huge move, I have thoroughly enjoyed following along on her adventures – good and bad hahaha.  Her family are returning to Australia later this year so I felt like if we were ever going to go – we should do it now so the planning began.

To be honest, China was never on my travel trip radar, other than a falling down wall, a panda or two, some pointy temples, a boatload of tea and some orange soldiers, what the hell else is there to see right????

WRONG – like way wrong.  I have enjoyed planning this trip so much because it was quite a bit outside of my comfy zone .  Having never visited an Asian country before, and one with cities as big as Donald Trump’s stupidity….I knew there would be some challenges for anxiety-ridden/corner-rocking/control-freak/crazy-bitch ME!!!!

There is just so much history to see and as always I just want to see so much.   The more I research the more I fall in travel love with the adventure we will have.  And the food……..can we talk about the food my friends.  I’m already salivating so much that I am permanently walking around with a dribble bib.

THE.FOOD.WILL.BE.AMAZEBALLS!!!

(the fact that there is a brand new disney castle waiting to be discovered had nothing to do with my decision to go and I will sue anyone who suggests otherwise)

The planning began with our feral beast’s 16th Birthday as the cornerstone of everything.  Every decision was made with him and his moody teen needs in mind and I was excited for him to come along on what was to be our last “teenagers cost too much to travel with anymore” trip.

The cities we are hitting up are Nanjing, Shanghai, Xian and finishing up with the Queen B herself, Beijing!!!

Now for the PLOT TWIST…….

Here’s a highlight reel of the shit that went down 2 weeks ago:-

• Ungrateful uterus dweller got selected for some boring Giants AFL Academy thingy
• Two games to be played in Sydney while we are away – why wasn’t I consulted
• Man-Child does not give a decimal shit about trip anymore *or his mumma’s heart*
• The person formally known as ‘my baby’ decides not to come to China
• Football more important than me shooting him out of my birth canal
• Apparently it’s in the bad parenting handbook to force poohead to come and make him bloody well have fun
• Now I have to be all romantic and shit on holiday, ewwww ::chugs alcohol, sobs::
• Plans were cancelled – money was lost, shit was lost, inheritance was lost, sanity was well and truly lost
• Mumma dealt with this shitty turn of events the way God intended – Netflix and Champagne and tears and tantrums

And that’s the story of how I started seeing a therapist!!!!!

THE.MOTHER.CHUFFING.END!!!!

The fact that I am still able to adult at this point is a bloody miracle.  It was surprisingly easy (and expensive) to erase his footprint from the trip and now here we are, heading off on a couples trip… ~with all the yukkiness that entails – shudder~

Anyway enough about my ungrateful spawn – back to me and my fabulous China trip…

You’ve gotta know with such huge populations in the big cities of China that it’s going to be a total “Clusterf**k of Chaos and Awesomeness”.  And with the way my crazy mind processes things I think we can all agree I won’t be able to calm my tits with the visual overload of everything.  And you my friends are going to be the lucky recipients of said hyper crazy!!!!

Are you in????  Well then BUCKLE UP BITCHES…..it’s gonna be one hell of a ride!!!!

P.S.  While I do occasionally mouth off on this blog, I do try to keep it entertaining and somewhat useful.  I’m hoping that with each blog post from this trip you’ll get something to take away with you.  A hotel recommendation, a great tour guide or something not to do next trip.

BAHAHAHAHAHA PSYCH…..AS BLOODY IF!!!!
P.P.S. So you don’t miss a single second of my travel word vomit, hit subscribe and then my potty mouth will arrive straight into your email inbox.  What’s not to love about that.