(From our March 2016 trip)

Today’s update is brought to you by PORK KNUCKLE…..because it’s a Bavarian foodgasm and it will punch you in the mouth with it’s awesomeness.  Now on with the show…

After a great nights sleep we started our day with a ‘free walking tour’ with Sandeman’s Munich Tour.  I’m not usually a big fan of the “free” tours where you tip at the end but this tour had the most amazing Trip Advisor Reviews it was hard not to give it a go. It was a 3 hour tour and our guide was this lovely little 20 year old lass named India.  There were alot of people on the tour and I felt sure the crowds were going to get on my tits and make me not be able to become besties with the guide but I managed to body slam a few people out of my way so that I could stick like glue to her side and get the most out of my tour.  Poor husband just follows my path of mass destruction with his head down, trying not to make eye contact with the angry villagers carrying bitchforks in my wake.  I make no apologies – this is my holiday and I’m not here to make friends….I’m here to learn about history and beer so I just simply don’t have time to fork around.  I’ll wash away any guilt about my behaviour with beer later on.





IMG_7264Love this maypole depicting the full awesome story of…. BEER!!! mmmm beer


Learned heaps of cool superstitions about maypoles and mad kings and Nazis….you know the usual stuff.  There was a lot of gold to mine through but here are a few nuggets:-

  1. Never ever toast or say “cheers” with water (as if I ever would haha). No joke you are literally wishing death on all of your drinking buddies – you actually are telling them you want them to die.  Is that what you want???  I think not ::..hmmm::
  2. Dirndl’s – the national dress of hotness. Apparently the “knot” placement of the apron is an indicator of the woman’s marital status.  On the left means single and ready to mingle.  On the right means you are married and no longer attractive to the world.  So you’ve gotta know I’d be wearing mine on the left because frankly this is only my first marriage and I’m always on the lookout for a better option (aka Wealthy Elderly On Death Bed 2nd hubster)
  3. If you don’t make eye contact while clinking glasses you end up with 7 years of bad lovemaking. What the what……!!!!  Sub-standard hanky panky is to be avoided so bitches get your eyes laser focussed when “cheersing”.  YOU.ARE.WELCOME!  I’ve got your back boo!
  4. So apparently at Oktoberfest…now brace yourselves…the Aussies play up big time ~noooo I’m shocked~ and have quite the reputation for one particular thing. No my friends it’s not for our ability to drink the German’s under the table (which we so could, like derrrr).  It’s for our ability to lose our passports.  Appaz people lose all sorts of things at Oktoberfest:- passports, children (how drunk do you have to be to forget you have produced offspring that need supervision?  Asking for a friend) and here’s the kicker for me, they lose wheelchairs GAHTDAMB…WHAT DO YOU DRINK THAT YOU SUDDENLY DEVELOP SUPERPOWERS?  Superman has the xray vision, Wonder Woman has the gold lasso of truth, Aquaman can swim (seriously the lamest super hero ever) and now you have Beergoggle Miracle Powers of WALK!!!!

Anyway, that’s enough learnin for ya’ll today.  Don’t want to have you thinking you come to this blog for actual information.

The tour group was huge but little She-Guide was incredible at making sure everyone could hear and she really was wonderful at storytelling.  Husband and I both enjoyed our morning exploring Munich and learned alot of useless but great info.

By now it was lunchtime and so we decided it was STOP…PORK KNUCKLE TIME!!!  This is kinda like Hammer Time (are you singing the song) only this Bavarian food doesn’t fork around.  Our tour guide yesterday had recommended what he believed to be the best place for pork knuckle in Munich so off we went to check Haxnbauer out for ourselves.

Awwww let’s just take a moment to look at my little darling standing at the window with this meat of the food gods.  Just prior to taking this shot he was licking the window like a death row inmate at his last conjugal visit.  And truth be told he’s never looked sexier to me.  Seriously can you see the drool…


We didn’t even bother with a menu – we’ll have the pork knuckle please with mash and gravy.  OBVS!

The meal came out and looked like this.  There may have been someone singing Hallelujah as it was placed in front of me but I was too mesmerised to care…


I instantly thanked “jesus of german food” (an actual person) for sending us mere mortals the gift of the Pork Knuckle.  It was MAGESTIC and then I had my 1st bite which led to my 243rd bite and let’s just say my taste buds were turned into receptors of SHEER ECSTACY.

Of course we also had an adult bevvy or two but mostly it was about the meat.  Husband was blown away by how much I actually managed to eat.  I mean, not to toot my own horn but BEEP BEEP, I don’t mess around when it comes to food.  The girl can EAT!!!  He took this photo because for him the 3 B’s is porn….BOOBS, BEER AND BOAR!!!  Doesn’t get better than that people.   He was truly a happy happy man.

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PORK KNUCKLE….I have no words (but) in short, if you don’t eat PORK KNUCKLE while in Germany, you could die!!!

After we rolled out of lunch you might think we were done for the day but nope, we ain’t no quitters.  We walked about half an hour to get to Augustiner-Keller which is pretty much the most famous biergarten in Munich.


It was a rather delish sunny day so we went and got a few more steins of golden goodness, sat outside in this amazing beer garden enjoying life essentially.  I loved the people watching and can only imagine this place goes off in the summer months.  This is the place where parents souls go to be rejuvenated I think.  I made a mental note to try one day to come back for Oktoberfest.

(sidenote – diva daughter just experienced 3 days at Oktoberfest and can now never drink beer again.  It’s probably best I don’t know why.  The end)


After this we wandered back to our room, had a food coma style nap, a light dinner and early to bed as tomorrow we have a big day.

So let’s recap shall we – Munich thinks Aussies are hopeless on the booze, if you don’t look at people when drinking sex sucks, apron knots can decide your future and Pork Knuckle is my new god to be worshipped.  Oh and I can pack away a whole lotta meat *wants a good figure* proceeds to eat 3 tim tams, 1 large pizza, the kitchen sink and a small child*

Loving Munich’s guts so hard right now….



Lows – Not enough room for more pig foot.

Weather – High 14 Low 4

Written by thekellysontour
So I wasn't going to do an About Me Page because well, I assumed everyone looking at this blog would be my close friends and family. But then I thought.....hey, why limit myself. I am pretty awesome after all. I could be the next "new thing", the next "faux-lebrity" phenomenon. I mean if Kim Kardashian can do it....why not me? I've got big boobs and a big arse and once I finally manage to get my waist trainer done up I will have a waist - of sorts lol. And If I work on my selfie skills then the world better watch out cause I'm a comin'....okay okay, I'm clearly rambling now so I will actually introduce myself. My name is Lisa and I'm an incredible "ageless" woman, married for far too long with 2 very gorgeous but annoying teenage children. I live in Canberra, Australia, take pretty pictures for a living and my two favourite things in life are travel and food. I also, on occasion, like a glass or two of champagne...but never to excess hahahaha. Oh and I never let the truth get in the way of a good story!!!! Nice to meet you if you don't already know me. Follow along with the blog if you don't have anything better to do (which is so bloody tragic lol).... Much love, Lisa xoxo