(From our March 2016 trip)

(well yes I am writing this 18 months after the trip and I would appreciate it if you glorious bitches wouldn’t “slack travel blogger” shame me ok.  Bite down on the judgement and enjoy the read lol)

SWEET MOTHER OF CHRIST after the huge shenanigans of yesterday celebrating the best 20 years of husband’s life, it was a tough sell to get up, pack up and catch a train onto the next stop of the trip.   What I wanted to say was:-

TIRED.

TODAY IS CANCELLED.

GO BACK TO BED.

(Or drink prosecco.  Whatever)

But of course I didn’t say anything of the sort.  I hauled my tired awesome self out of bed and got on with things.  Get on train, watch husband ass-hatting like a king about getting the luggage on *again* – yadda yadda – except this train ride featured some unpleasant folk who clearly DID NOT understand the “please use your inside voices” announcements because we actually had booked seats in the “quiet carriage”.

Like really guys….SHUT.THE.ACTUAL.UP!!!!  I was giving some serious SIDE EYE!!!!

FUN FACT:- I really struggle with rule breakers.  All the way to my crusty core I am such a rule follower in life.  Like when you are at the Woolworths self serve checkout, you don’t feckin choose the *cheaper* apples when you’ve actually got the pink ladies.  Bad karma bitches….bad bad bad!  And you certainly don’t use their plastic bags and not scan them which is what I saw someone do the other day.  I honestly considered dobbing on the guy by announcing loudly “stop the world, douche lord over here just robbed you blind”. Alas husband intercepted my self righteous awesomeness with a  look on his face that can only be described in laymans terms as “calm your tits babe”.  #funsponge

AAANNNYYYway focus Lisa.  So after a noisy train trip we arrive in The Floating City – Venice!  Gotta say this train station was a little different….

When you walk outside…..HOLY OPRAH!!!  You are greeted not with the usual buses, cars and taxi’s but water and more water and quite a bit of chaos.  I had researched Venice ALOT because I knew it was going to be such a unique place aka a *hot mess* with the only way to get around was on the water.  In the planning stages of a trip this seems so kinda ‘fun’ but the reality was a little more challenging.  And lordy you can imagine His Highness beside me was about to properly lose his shiznit….hahaha.  Fortunately I knew what I needed to do to get us to our hotel – since there were only 2 of us I had decided to use the Vaporetto which for those who haven’t been to Venice yet it’s like a public bus without the comfy seats, friendly bus driver and most obvious – personal space.  These floating vessels of doom are jam packed – like folks I mean people were on the roof, hanging off the sides and I think I saw a few lads hanging onto ropes trailing behind in the water.  It was insanity but I got our tickets, got us to the correct dock and waited.  When our boat arrived omg I couldn’t even look over at Husband in case it brought on a “son-of-a-motherless-goat” moment.

Get the visual:- a highly anxious transport using husband, choppy water, 2.4million tourists all with the same idea, two very heavy suitcases both with very heavy cabin bags on top, a bobbing vessel already resembling a *packed.like.sardines* situ and a delicate flower of a wife who is slightly challenged when it comes to getting onto slightly moving things.  It was pure comedy gold + a disaster waiting to happen = Lisa doing her always successful cutesy face along with sweet apologies every time I gently shoved someone further out of my way.  Fortunately this angel of a lady parted the sea of sardines and helped us get the luggage on.  Craig’s face though…..PRICELESS!!!!

Now it’s all well and good to get on the damn boat without losing life and limb, but after it continues to load more stinky sweaty people on (I of course smelt like a garden in spring) you get sucked further into the sardine can of hell and it starts to dawn on you that getting on was the easy part.  Getting off is going to take a different skill set. Oh this is just getting betterer by the minute.  Just as I was starting to think living on this floating hell hole mightn’t be so bad, something comes over husband and he does his best Blindside Grid Iron impression, knocking people down like a league ten pin bowler and we grunted and squished our way off the death trap.  Whew……we made it.   What a team!!!   #lovedhimsomuchrightthen

I had carefully planned where to get off and how to find out hotel within an inch of my life because well:-

A. Venice is all cobblestones = wheeling suitcases sucks ballsweat

B. I have a toddler with an anxiety disorder as a husband

C. Teeny streets with not great signage which I like to personally call *winding corridors of hell*

Finally I spy what I think is the side of our hotel from this bridge.  It was a pretty intense walk with those damn suitcases on cobblestones

HOTEL – we stayed at Una Hotel Venezia and I was really happy with the area and location along with the room.  We were only a 10 minute walk from St. Mark’s Square and The Rialto Bridge and had two good vaporetto waterbus stops very nearby.  It was situated on a little canal and a very quiet area.  I would definitely stay here again.

OMG – our own little canal outside our window xoxoxo

Sidebar:- So most photos of me from here on out in Venice I will be cropped from the ankle up because dem cobblestones require a serious sneakers with jeans situation if you don’t want to break something and since I’m the clumsiest clown around I’m breaking all style rules and hoping the fashion gods don’t strike me down.  

After dumping our bags we decided to head off for a wander.  The best tip I can give you if you are going to Venice is this (and yes I know it’s rare of me to give actual helpful travel info, don’t get used to it bitchez):-

To navigate in Venice, understand where you are going in relation to Rialto, Piazza San Marco, Accademia, and Santa Lucia train station because there are signs on the buildings that point you to those landmarks.

The stunning Palazzo Ducale/Doge’s Palace

St. Mark’s SquareThe Rialto Bridge

The Grand Canal

St. Mark’s Campanile

On the Rialto Bridge, it was fairly unimpressive to look at as it was undergoing a massive restoration
Close up of the campanile
St. Mark’s Basilica – the beautiful details stunning

After a good wander with 7 billion of our closest friends we needed to get to the meeting spot for a walking tour I had booked us for.  I did break one of my rules and had booked one of those “free” walking tours for Venice.  I just felt a quick zip around with a basic overview was going to do us as this leg of the trip was to be more relaxed.  When we got to the meeting spot there were sooooo many people there waiting husband and I looked at each other and just said ~ I.QUIT.YOU.TOUR~ and we decided to just do our own thing.

Soooo when in Venice, what’s the bucket list item……GONDOLA RIDE BABY!!!!  This was a fun touristy thing to do and I refuse to apologise for how ratchetly cliche it is.  I mean look at us, we are like super hot movie stars in this photo just without the world wide fame and millions of dollars…..(I secretly love this photo of us well not so secretly I guess lol)

Before you ask – Gondola Guy didn’t sing which was a slight disapppointment not gonna lie but hey I was beside this stone cold fox so all good

So after doing the essential thing – we just decided let’s hit some bars and do a classy pub crawl.  I needed to have a Bellini because it was invented in Venice so that was my next tick.it.off item….

Alot of classy ladies had obviously visited this bar before me as you can see.  The bartender begged me not to donate my own bra because he felt it would provide far too much “coverage”.  RUDE!!!!!

Please note – I will not apologise for the amount of couple selfies in this post (and all the other posts).  It is after all our bloody anniversary trip so shut your vaginas okay.  BOOM!!!  Take that babes.

So that was our first day in Venice.  On the whole it was probably the most unplanned relaxed day of the trip.  It was pretty crowded I have to say and tomorrow is Good Friday so only likely to get more crowded.  Yikes!!!!!

Weather – High 14, Low 5

Highlights – Gondola ride

Lowlights – crowded vaporetto